och...<--nope, no idea what that expresses,but reminds me of food somehow..yes,i'm stressed.thank you for noticing...

it just struck me.....

2 slots of 1.5years.

n no, u're not supposed to understand =.=

can't wait =) but i wish i could go, but i can't. due to phobia of small airports and foreign-speaking areas =(

*sigh*

so from 7 to 1.5 days. sweat. oh wells...

nope, you're not supposed to understand that, either...

maybe i should just start writing in encrypted language. first i have to find out what that means.

yes i'm thinkin too much over stuff. seriously dun wanna study anymore. haih.

just.let.my.flunk.neuro.n.let.bannigan.n.patrick.felle.hate.me.for.not.knowing.what.d.darn.dorsal.columns.carry.

i keep mixing up the greater petrosal nerve n the greater palatine nerve. HAIH. n it doesn't help that both of them have their 'lesser' counterparts either. which come from DIFFERENT cranial nerves. or at least the former does.i think. argh. see???? i can't even remember!!!

and i will always remember this 'quote' from Felle-

"i'm sorry folks, i didn't make up all this crap..."

(n i'm beginning to blog alot. i think the house is too quiet. which is my fault, i know, thank you ppl for smacking your foreheads n going, 'n she's blaming others!!' ......i find talking to my blog more 'flexible' than talking to real living beings ok...)

again n again

...yet i know, You'll have to teach me (again) to fall at Your Feet in all wonder and reverence; in humility and tears. with broken heart, bended knee and flowing tears.

i know i'm back to where i started. and i need to fall before You. until I can call You, once again, "My LORD, and My God!"

would You help me?

I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord
And I can't understand
All that You allow
I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You
Even when my heart is torn I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even in my darkest valley I will praise (trust) You Lord
And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord
And I will not forget
That You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You've been there
And I know that You're here now

(Yet I Will Praise You, Vineyard Music)

second chances

read this from a friend's blog just minutes ago... made me think... reminded me, rather...

There are things or people in life we hold on to very dearly.
When the threat of hurt comes hurling towards us
and in the process of protecting ourselves from that-
in another words, in the process of being selfish -
we think it wise to let go of those things,
causing hurts that would last a life time to the
things or people we presumably treasure with all our heart.

Sometimes, it's better to march forth towards the arrows of hurt as naked as we came,
as vulnerable as we can be and as selfless as love should be,
than to lose grip of the precious gems of our lives


and i cannot thank you enough, my LORD - for that second chance You gave me. let me not mess this up. May it be that You will always be First in my life. No matter what. Lest You have to teach me the same lesson over again...

besties coming =)

note the plural.


*i still think im pms-ing. argh. maybe it's called 'exams-in-2-weeks-woman-time-to-stdy!!' *

yea, prolly the latter =.=

hyper =)

...won't hurt you....???

remember the song 'what you never know won't hurt you' - sung by Hayley Westenra ( i think. at least the one i listen to is sung by her)...?

i'm starting to think, it's true... ignorance is bliss (in certain aspects. certainly not when i'm in the OT 10 years from now, going, 'uh...does anyone recall from anat if this is a nerve/artery/vein/a random piece of string that dropped in....????)

but in other cases like this one, maybe it's better this way. maybe i should just plead ignorant. I-G-N-O-R-A-N-C-E. nope, i dunno a thing. never heard about it. didn't know it was coming. i was too busy with exams, u see.....

but then again, i already know it. so that rule doesn't apply anymore. it can't.

time to move on, perhaps??

man.... talk about pms-ing =.=

every eye needs a 'lil linin'

....i think i need to get a makeup set. just the foundation n eyeliner. n maybe a bit of blusher. have too much eyeshadow n lipgloss. what an imbalance =.=

coz one day, eve n cath won't be there to help me put on makeup. and they're already sick of trying to 'line my eyes' that cannot seem to display the already-1-cm-thick line of uh, eyeliner. on second thought, maybe it's a good thing. then i only need to put eyeshadow. since eyeliner dun work anyways =p

-listening to: wishing you were somehow here again; the phantom of the opera =)

a spin on Colossians 1:15-23

If you could imagine Paul having a fit, this would probably be it. His face turning a bright sheet of red in anger, excitement, distress and... well, he was more than just plain fidgety, if you ask me. Epaphras had just come from Colosse not long ago, and from the 'going-ons' that I had heard so far, things were not very good. From the room where he and Paul were in deep conversation, Paul's high-pitched squeak - a sure sign of indignation and excitement - drifted through the cold night air. I had heard him yell at one point, 'WHAT???!!!' Somewhere along the conversation, he snapped loudly, 'worshippers of angels, forsooth!' ...but that was about it. Perhaps he had reached a point where words could not express his distress.

That night I heard him praying aloud, as always. Hours and hours a day, he'd spend - this dear man who was more than a father to me. My own father had died when I was a young boy, and I had longed for one ever since. Perhaps God heard my cries into the silent night, for along came Paul, who brought me news of this hope in a Jew called Jesus. I had been slow to understand and accept His transforming Love, but by God's Grace, one day I just 'saw'. That would be the only way of describing this incredible assurance and Love penetrating my soul ever since.

Early the next morning, he woke me up. 'I'm sorry, my boy, but you must come. I have to do something. I can't just sit here and rot while the Colossians rot spiritually. Get your parchment and ink ready. My eyesight is worse than ever, especially in this dim winter light. Come, Timothy; you shall write my letter to this Church in distress.'

He is already pacing the floor, muttering words under his breath as he always does before giving a speech. I unroll my parchment and dip my pen in ink, one eye on him walking a path into the stone floor.

'Tell them,' he says suddenly, and i cock my head to one side as I always do when writing.

'Tell them I've heard of their faith and the love they have for their fellow Christians. How amazingly their lives have been transformed - ever since they believed the Gospel, preached by Epaphras. Remember to mention that I am always praying for them - for indeed I have, even long before such news reached my ears...'

I nod, scribbling away.

I hear a sigh, and Paul finally realizes pacing the floor does him no good. Indeed if he could, he would be WALKING to Colosse right now. If only he could. He sinks down into the couch with another groan. I feel a cold hand grip my heart as I realize suddenly, what an old man he has become. Tired and helpless in his circumstances. How different from the once vibrant, middle-aged Pharisee who had come knocking on my door so long ago. I hear him mutter, 'stupid house arrest.' and I know once again that he feels so keenly this helplessness. And yet he told me many times before, 'Maybe this is God's way of showing me who's boss. That my strength is limited, and I cannot be everywhere at one time. And it is only He who can make this work I've poured my life into, grow. Not me, my boy. Only Jesus.' - But right now he doesn't look as though he believes that.

For a long moment he bows his head as if in prayer. Then he straightens up, and there is a new glint in his eye. A new plan, perhaps.

'No use, my boy,' he finally says. 'No good in me telling them to stand their ground, if they do not know what they are standing for. or ON. I mean the Gospel. They must be reminded again of it's heart - Christ in all, before all, in whom all things hold together. Yes... we must knock it into their hard heads, if must be!'

He has that look of wonder and awe in his face - as he always does when he talks about Jesus. After all, this was the once-young Pharisee who went about killing Christians and persecuting Jesus - only to fall at His feet in the end and cry out, as Thomas once did - 'my Lord, and my God!'

'Do you remember, Tim my boy... when I was explaining Christ to you? His identity is the key. so write to them in the same way, in love and patience; and tell them what I once told you -

'He is the image of the God you cannot see,
the firstborn over all creation.
For by Him all things were made -
things in heaven or on earth, visible and invisible
whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities.
All things were created by him
and for him...' and his voice trails off yet again.

'Yes,' I hear Paul reiterate. 'FOR Him.' Be sure to write it correctly, Timothy.

'He is before all things,
and in Him all things hold together.
and He is the head of the body, that is, the Church
and the firstborn from among the dead.
so that in everything, He might have the Supremacy.'

His voice has picked up momentum, and I feel the muscles in my arm tense, as I try to keep pace.
'For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in him;
and through him, that is, Christ - to reconcile to himself all things in heaven and on earth...

'And Timothy, just in case they ask, 'how?', so write: 'by making peace through his blood, shed on the Cross.' ' And I hear tears in Paul's voice. 'His blood shed on the cross,' I hear him whisper. 'For me.' 'Ah my Father, remind them - drill into their heads and hearts the wonder of it all. Their alienation, their redemption through faith in Christ...' he prays.

'Once you were as aliens, seperated from God. You were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour. But now - NOW, God has reconciled you to himself, by Christ's physical body, through death.' -'by the way, my boy - just so no one will mock and say, 'to what end is this death?'; so add these words - 'to present you holy in God's sight, free from blemish and all accusation,' - 'For satan is always accusing us, day and night, before God...' he mutters.

There is a long pause, and I wait to see if that is all. But no, for my dear spiritual father says with deep conviction - 'My boy, tell them that their right-standing with God in Christ is certain. it's not a 'maybe' or 'hopefully', this new position we all have in God's eyes. It is as certain as the fact that we're all going to die. But warn them also, that it is only 'IF you continue in your faith, firm and unmoved from this Gospel Hope. This Gospel for which I, Paul, have become a servant. And have given my life to proclaim.'

And so I write.

--------------------------

This is only Colossians 1:15-23. The result of reading the same passage over n over n still not sure if i can lead the bible study tomorrow on this passage properly. and obviously, my mind refuses to study tonight. so goodnight =)

owh

yes, Lord, i know You had to do it this way...

but You know... it kinda hurts still...

or maybe that's the sound of my pride being shattered to a gazillion pieces...???

can i please not have this 'twinge' inside me? it's uncomfy, you know....

*ouch*

麻木了

"给脸"真的有那么重要?

我很忙, 很累, 想给自己有点时间来休息; 最进觉得好烦,所以不太想出去...

这也能对不起别人吗?

知道,不应说成那么"难听". 但, 有错吗?

也许我已经骄傲了.但却没感到伤心.

应该是麻木了.

(ps: if u don't like what i've written, just click the 'close window' button on the top right corner.)